ReAnne. Rei-En.

Welcome to ReAnne's blog~*

Tagboard is the 4th heart. :)

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I don't know what I'm thinking now. Like... What am I thinking?

I've moved on quite a bit since the last time... Of course I still think about him everyday but I'm much better. I don't cry as much or feel depressed the whole day cos of him.

I'm trying not to think. Or rather, I just don't want to think. Maybe I'm scared to think. Maybe I'm disgusted with what he did. Maybe I just refuse to have a bad last impression of him. Maybe I just want to retain happy memories.

I don't know why. Really. I don't even know what I'm thinking.

Initially I thought I fell for this other guy so he didn't matter anymore.

Wrong.

He's still in my heart... hidden in a corner so that I won't see him... so that I won't think about him... so that it won't hurt.

The other guy is nice. He's not bad looking with a nice character and all that. But he's got some problems of his ex gf. (Hahas. How come all the guys I meet are like that?) I helped to give this guy some advice on how to win back him ex... Sometimes just to listen to him talk about it. I know how it feels cos I was in his position before.. As in, feeling sad and helpless and it's good to have a friend to listen to you talk.

I like him as a friend, I suppose. He's nice company and he helps distract me. I've sorted out my thinking and I've realised that the one I still love has never left my heart. Maybe it's just that I'm trying not to see him there.

I don't know how long he'll be staying here.
Bryan stayed in my heart for about half a year.
So I'll give myself half a year to get over it too.

Maybe I'm loving him by default. Maybe I love him too much to let go. I don't know. I don't dare to think... Cos I'm scared of feeling hurt.

I told Lois for the next half a year... I will not fall for anyone. Because I feel really tired now. And also cos I have no more feelings left to give.

For him, I did everything I could... Things that I should do... And things that I shouldn't do. But if its not meant to be, it won't happen. But at least at this point in time, I can look back and say... I really did my best.

I hope someone else will come and take his place quickly. (I wonder who will have the ability to do that.) So that I can stop feeling like shit.


~*^*^*~ Once Upon A Time...I Believed.

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