Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Friday, December 02, 2005
rather very extremely prominent cos I don't suppose she'll be categorised as pint-sized.) till I was about 1 metre away from her.
She didn't exactly like me back then, but I can assure you the feeling's mutual. I don't think she likes me now too, but then again I can assure you the feeling's still mutual.
I again so unfortunately happened to look down and saw her and she looked up and gave me this fake smile which lasted for about 0.5 seconds before turning away.
Excuse me darling, you are talking hypocrisy with a hospitality student here. Not that it's something to boast about, but don't you know that hospitality students are generally termed to be the most hypocritical people around?
And hypocrisy is not made obvious exaggerated like a 0.5 seconds smile. It takes more tact than that and obviously you lack lots of professional training.
Come to think of it, it's a good thing that she only smiled for 0.5 seconds. 0.5 seconds was enough to make me cringe in disgust and despise. Anything more than that will probably make my hair stand and fall to the ground. (I don't wanna be eyebrow-less. Not very glam.) It doesn't help that she has a great height with a great weight to match and has the fortune to possess flawless tanned, golden (sorry that term applies only to beach babes. and gold is probably quite different from chocolate) dark skin with about 2 inches of make up which doesn't seem to help enhance looks but nvm about that. She probably doesn't know that dressing skimpily (sorry this term only applies to small-average sized girls) wearing tube tops and spag tops aren't exactly the most flattering for her. And that acting hiao is not exactly the style/image/whatever she should embrace.
Look, I don't usually discrimate people based on their looks or weight or whatever. Just that it irks me when you do things when you don't mean it. Either don't smile at all and pretend you didn't see me, or you practise hypocrisy with tact. (She'll need lots of tact on that.)
Of course, anyone can say that they are free to do whatever they wish to. I understand where they are coming from and I agree with these people that this is actually a very valid and important point and I would like to thank them for pointing that out. Well, I believe that I'm free to critisize just as I, and I'm sure many others, want to. So if you wish, please feel free to FOFFA. Thank you. (Just in case you didn't get that, it means Fuck Off Far Far Away.) :)
I'm so dead for FM prj... I don't know where to find the info!!!! sigh.
I'm feeling good today... As in, normal kind of ok, you know? (Sometimes we take feeling ok for granted. Haha.) *smiles* Anyway.. Yesterday cried again before I went to sleep (Like, what's new.) so today I woke up with even puffier eyes. Hmm.
I'm working later. Oya, just in case I didn't update, I'm working at Suntec, at an accessories counter near the Duck Tour counter. Yeps. Working hours for now not very long, cos I told the pretty lady boss a.k.a. Kimmy that I'm working part-time. (I think from her point of view, part-time is really very part-time. Haha. She gave me so little hours.) But think I'll ask for more hours later on, cos for now I have a lot of project stuff to settle also. Yeps.
Paid my 30 cents library fine so now I can borrow books! Muahaha. I got 4 marketing books from the TP library for my F&B Operations (FBO) project. My marketing sucks last sem, but this sem for projects, I seem to be doing on the marketing components. Hahas. I like marketing, tts why must GAMBATTE~* :)
I'm working 5 - 8 later. (See told you very little hours le. Hahas. She gave me those 3 hour slots. Hais. But I'm busy with projects now... So no complaints. Don't chew off more than I can bite. Hee~*) Only on Sunday then I'm working 11-8. Looking forward to work later. Heh. Free can visit me. As long as you are not that person, I'll be happy to see you. :)
It takes time, I suppose.
I just wish that I'll never ever see him again. And get over it quickly.
(Afternote: Just realised. Vampire not supposed to be stronger in the day.)
Please listen to S.H.E. - Bu Zuo Ni De Peng You.
(Other than saying sorry in the end like him [which i'm glad you didn't, but it's not like it''ll make much of a difference anyway, but it's not like I will want to bother], please don't ever say you want to be friends. This song is for you... From my heart. If you ever see this.)
Merry Christmas~*!!
Hope all my friends will have a happy Christmas~* Enjoy your Christmas... And hope you receive lots of presents! If not, well... Have a great Christmas anyway.. And have lots of fun! Hahas~* :)
I'm feeling much better now... Was talking to Ping on the phone yesterday night. I don't know why but I just cried the whole time I was talking... Tears just kept flowing. I supposed all that I've kept bottled in me for the whole day just gushed out when I uncapped it.
But I'm feeling better now. Ping says I should just make myself hate him... Focus on his bad points. But I don't really think he's bad. But well... I don't want to think about it. Maybe I'm just running away from the problem, maybe I just don't know what to do... But I can't come up with a valid excuse for him. As much as I love him. Well, face the truth already. It hurts.. But that's reality for you.
Yea.. He's not good enough for me. Ping says she didn't understand why I was so in love with him the first time she saw him, just that she didn't voice out cos she thought I liked him alot. Well... Maybe it's true, maybe it's just consolation. But as long as it helps me move on, I'll listen. I need all the help I can get now. And I just want to move on with my life. And get a life.
All my friends out there... Thanks for being there. I love you. *hugs* :)
It seems like fate is playing a joke on me. After telling him I don't want to be friends anymore, I seem to see him even more. It's like, wo men hen you yuan. It's like fate is telling me there's no way I can run away from him. Oh well, this 2nd time that I saw him, I found it kind of funny actually.
I still feel kind of sad now... Sad cos, this person whom I put in so much feelings for doesn't feel anything. He still wants to be friends but he just doesn't understand that it's still going to hurt if I continue to be his friend. Not that I think it affects him whether or not we remain as friends. If its really his wish to still keep me as a friend, I think I got to take some time to cool off and lose my feelings for him before I can accept him as one. Maybe it'll take a while, but I believe it can happen. I just need to stop thinking about him for now.
And bloody hell... Don't lead others on if you don't want karma to find you. It happens, I tell you. (Cos I kena before. Trust me.) And don't make your friends think she's your gf. No one likes to be made use of.
After getting out of my own world and when I talk to my close friends, I realised that I'm not the only one who's down and out in the field of love. It makes me sad to see my friends get hurt. (I suppose that's what they feel when they see me like this too.) Sometimes it just makes me wonder why is it that all around me I see people getting hurt cos of love, and somehow for now, I just don't have the courage to love anyone again.
Nobody likes to get hurt, and cowards like me retreat back into our comfy bullet-proof black-tinted shells so that we won't get hurt again. Ping says after 2 consecutive times of hurt, I should take a break from all this shit. (Ok, last 4 words from me.) I think I should too. I'm really tired. I'm tired of getting hurt... I'm tired of putting too much feelings for people who don't appreciate it... I'm tired of crying... Loving the wrong person, obviously at the wrong time.
I don't believe in love. For now.
Went Mark's cousin's house for a Christmas Party. (Ok, Thursday's abit too early for that... But who cares. Hahas.) People present: Jonathan, Yin Shan, Arthur, Faith, Min Shi, Phyllis, Fang An, Mei Qi and... Me. (Just realised I had a previous entry on this. Arh... Nvm.) Anyway, here are some pictures of us pretty princesses and handsome princes. (Ha~* Sigh. Something's wrong with me today. Don't mind me.)
This is Min Shi (with her newly-rebonded hair).
My fellow narcissist - King Arthur.
Mark. (That's bbq chicken btw. Just in case you are wondering.)
This is Fang An.
Min Shi. ReAnne. Fang An.
Yin Shan. (That's Jon behind.)
Faith.
Leftover food that we brought upstairs.
No, this isn't candid. Arthur POSED for it. (Muahaha.)
Missing: Phyllis, Jon, Mei Qi
We had meeting on Wed but I was so tired that I went straight home and knocked out. Thursday a.k.a. today was spent gg for a job interview and this party. So like, ya.
Anyway, Jon and Min Shi went back first. The rest are outside watching Saw 2.. A movie which brought back memories of him.
Anyway, it's Game Over. I don't want to think about him. Maybe I'm just running away from the problem but I don't care. I just... Don't want to feel hurt and helpless again.
I gotta be strong...
ReAnne is a strong girl.
Nevermind that she looks strong on the outside but weak on the inside.
Never mind if she's emotional and sensitive. (What a lousy combi of traits. Hopeless case.)
Never mind if she thinks too much and trusts too easily.
Go on. She'll learn once she gets hurt. Go on and hurt her. It's for her own good. She'll have to learn in future anyway.
Make her strong.
Make her learn from it ok?
Don't let the pain be for nothing.
For God's sake, please learn something from this 2 incidents.
They happen for a reason. For what reason, I don't know.
Just stop being so stupid alright?
I wish I could be like my good friend. She never trusts people easily and don't open her heart easily. I'd rather be cold like her and not know how to love than to get hurt like this. Really.
And fate loves to play with me. 2 hours previously, we said not to be friends anymore. 2 hrs later, we meet at the bus stop and takes the same bus. What shit is this.
Anyway don't talk about this anymore. Please please please get a life and get him out of your life.
Stop this shit already. I should have let go long ago, whether I like it or not.
Wake up already, you fool.
Went Galilee & Friends @ Cine with Faith for dinner. Was supposed to meet Mark cos it was his birthday. But he didn't turn up in the end cos apparently he had some GL meeting back at TP.
My project group quite evil. We pretended not to know that it was his birthday.. And didn't mention anything. Haha. We msg him at 1150 on that day to tell him we'll be celebrating at the Christmas party on the 22nd. Hee~* So boliao. :P
Anyway there was this student promotion going on at Friends cafe. It's $5.90 for main courses before 530pm. And the drinks were only 60 cents. haha. There was also free flow soup. Here's what we ate:
Free flow soup. A bit diluted but quite nice! :)
I had chicket cutlet. A.k.a. The Godfather. (I don't get it. Hahas~*)
Faith had fish & chips. A.k.a. Finding Nemo.
On Friday after Creative Writing, the tutor a.k.a. Hernie (that's what she wants us to call her. cool ya? hee.) gave us each a gingerbread man! :)
There was this label at the back with the ingredient list... And the price. Hernie didn't notice, I guess. Cos it wasn't very big. But i saw! It was $1.50. She had 2 classes I think. about 25 students a class. (You do the math.) I think it's very generous of her. Faith's creative tutor gave sweets. (Muahaha. ;P)
Oh and on thursday I received a Christmas Candy Cane from Xue Yun. Cos the HTM IG group arranged this thingie whereby you can buy a candy cane at $1 each and note down the person & class you want to give to. Then they send to the class for you. Yeps. I only received one but I really appreciate it. :)
Think I forgot to mention. Xue Yun is such a dear. A few weeks back, I was kind of emotionally unstable cos of him. She knew about it and bought me a minnie mouse hp toy and said that if I'm sad, I can talk to the toy. (Hahas~*) Really pleasantly surprised... And very touched. Thanks a lot, dearie~* Love you lots. :)
I will be strong.
And keep moving on.
Cos even when you're gone
I can still carry on.
Btw I chose my friendster url username thingie!
It's http://www.friendster.com/profiles/reien
Easy to remember? Hahas.
(Sorry... Doing direct marketing. Muahaha. :P)
Back to studying. It's Accounting mid-sem test on Monday. And F&B Operations on Tuesday. GAMBATE~*
---
12.12.05
Yay! Lodging Presentation finish le~* :)
Our group did ok, I guess. Still room for improvement but overall good effort ba. Good job, guys! :D
Hmm, I have alot of things to do now. 15 journal entries for my creative writing due this Friday. And I've only completed 1 so far. Hahas. The journal entries are not like, my blog entries. The tutor doesn't want a description of what you did the whole day. She wants like, your views on some issues. Any issues in fact. Ya. (Something like that la. If I paid enough attention in class to catch what she said. Hahas~* :P)
Kinda sleepy now, cos I slept at about 2 ydae night, then this morning woke up at 6 plus. So about 4.5 hrs of sleep. Heh. Was intending to go the beach to suntan and nap for a while, but then was rushing abit this morning so didn't bring the things. (I even forgot to bring my phone lo. Hahas~*)
This is my wunnerful project group! (Clockwise: Yin Shan, Me, Faith, Arther, Jonathan.)
Last Friday, Mark, Arther, Faith and I went to Esplanade and then Cartel at Marina Square. Hahas~* Had a great time with these ppl! :)
(Click to enlarge.)
This is BEFORE~*
This is AFTER~* :)
This crazy guy is Mark. He's not in our project group but can be considered close to us ba. Hahas. I called him once at 4am to cry about that guy once. Cos felt very hurt and sad and helpelss. (You get the idea. Heh.) Gou4 Peng2 You3. :)
This is Faith. Very nice girl who made the effort to include Jon and I in the group. Like cos Arther, Faith and Yin San were from the same group prevously, whereas Jon and I were from our own groups. Ya. She's quite cute la. Hahas~* (As you can see from the photos.)
Here's some crazy photos of us. :)
Jon & Arther (<= Warning: Arther is narcissistic. Like me. Muahaha.)
Faith and I
So tall... So short.
I said, "Arther!! Move forward or my head will look very big!" And this was what happened.
The 2 gays.
Hungry Faith. Free flow bread. Hahaha.
Ok la.. A bit fake. Hahas. 
Arther with Faith's specs, and me with Arther's specs. Heh.
Arther with Arther's specs, and me with Faith's specs. Hee~*
At Jon's house for project. Ah Beng caught in action. Hahas~*
Groove to the beat. And be caught on camera.
So narci. Both are incurable.
We get it. You are Rudolph.
Faith. Quarantined cos she has scabis. (I'm not kidding.)
Shi tou. Jian dao. Bu.
I have Jian Dao also...
Act only.
Very enthu participant. :)
We had this Accounting class test a few weeks back. I didn't study for it (I forgot why) so on that day, cos my day starts in the morning with a tutorial and subsequently all lectures then one more tutorial, I skipped my lectures and the tutorial and went to harbourfront to study. The class test was at 6-7pm so ya.. I had quite a few hours to study.
My mugging didn't go down the drain. We got back the papers today... I got 31.5 out of 40. The tutor wrote a "good" on my paper! Hahas... SO HAPPY!! :) :) :)
Like considering I don't listen in lectures and don't do my tutorials... I think really putting in effort helps. (K I better stop.. think I'm sounding more and more haolian.. Hahahas.. :P)
Anyway just want to say that I'm really happy now. :D
Was smsing my neighbour just now. Talked about that guy. He was like, "You still haven't let go???" Hahas~* It takes time I guess. Although it's been about erm.. 1 or 2 wks since I last contacted him... I still think of him. Just that I'm trying not to. It's not as bad now... I'm trying to break away. Really. :)
We came to this conclusion: I'm too gullible that's why I always kena this kinda shit. It's the 2nd time... consecutively somemore. Sad case right. Hahas.
Must learn to protect myself. I won't want to get hurt in the near future, so best is to concentrate on my studies and hopefull do well. Hahas. (Ya and get straight "A"s and be on the director's honour list right. Hahaha.)
Gg to sleep now. Have culi tmr... a.k.a. Kitchen work. Gotta go sch early tmr to print notes. Not enough sleep le. Nites everyone. :)
Oya, I forgot to thank Li Wei and Steph in my last entry. You guys have been very encouraging too. :) Thanks girls! *hugs*
Oya Steph. Must meet up soon. Hahas.
I'm better now, as compare to the last time when I felt really weak and helpless. Xue Yun told me that I looked very strong on the outside and she didn't really expect me to be like, so weak when it comes to this sort of matters. She said I looked like an independent girl.
Really? Do I really look like I can depend on myself for anything? Here's where my weakness lies, I suppose. Everyone has their weak spot. Right now I don't want to open my heart to anyone. Cos honestly I'm scared of getting hurt again. Getting hurt sonsecutively for 2 times is no fun. I'm throwing in the towel for the time being.
I'm happier with my friends. I don't want to be happy with this one person and then fall into depression again. This kind of hurt is something which no one can cure. My friends are there and I really appreciate it, but they can't make my heart stop bleeding. I hate feeling so helpless.
It's like I want to make myself stop thinking and stop feeling so sad, but I just can't help it. It's as if he's in control of my emotions. That sux, I tell you. The only thing I can do now to help myself is to occupy my time to distract myself so that my mind won't wander elsewhere. My mood still fluctuate sometimes but I try not to go into it too much.
Nevertheless, I know I have my friends there for me. Thanks cos you guys really helped to push me forward to move on. :) *hugs* Love you all. I mean it.
I'm feeling much better now... Thanks everyone for their concern. It's through stuff like this that I realise that I'm not alone. Thanks to my friends who have been there for me! People like......(not in order)
- Li Ping (She didn't exactly knew what happened but still encouraged me all the way. Thanks for always remembering me although we don't see each other in sch as often now. *hugs*)
- Kai Li (Always busy with work and school, but still offer time to talk on the phone. Thanks for being there,dear. Appreciate it lots.)
- Mich (Busy with sch and bf, but still there to lend a ear and offer sound advice. Love you~*)
- Bryan (Weird past relationship with this young boy but still he offered the best advice which helped me make up my mind. Thanks for veing there as a friend. You really made a difference. If not for you I guess I will still be hanging mid-air now.)
- Rex (Always there for me when I cry. Always there to hang out when I didn't want to cry at home. Just... Always there.)
- Xue Yun (Sat down and heard me talk for hours. Hanged out with me when I called her and she happened to be with her bf. She gave me a minnie mouse hp soft toy to cheer me up~* so sweet~* :)]
All of these people are important to me. They were there for me when I was down. And of cos, my sis too! She was there to listen to me and also went KTV with me to vent my emotions. Thanks sis. :)
Bryan reminded me of something which I thought was crap in the past. Used to think that he made that up to coax me. (Actually I still think so but since I'm seeing a bit of sense in that now.. Heck la. Hahas~*)
He said something like, Girl, don't you know the earth is round? When you let something float and it comes back, you'll never want to let it go again.
What he meant was, if it's yours, it'll come back to you in the end. Even if you let go of it now.
It makes sense.. Somehow talking to him made me see the whole picture more clearly. And it made me felt... alright somehow. As in, kan4 kai1 le. He said things which made sense to me. I shouldn't hang on so persistently to something which did not have the heart to stay with me in the first place. No matter what he did in the past, if it is not supported by what his heart feels, I shouldn't bother cos I alone cannot make it work.
It's not that I didn't try... Just that some things are not meant to be. Of course, I still hope for the best. The more hopeful you are, the greater the disappointment. But we shall just wait and see. (I still believe Bryan is right though.)
Anyway, I'm glad my mood has settled down now. I need to focus on my tests and projects. :)
He's gone. Out of my life. (I think.) The one whom I thought will be staying had left, and the one whom I though had left is back (as a good friend). The one whom I put in so much effort to love appreciates it. But he understands that what he feels is not love, or even like. So why did he behave that way? The way he treated me made me feel like he was actually leading me on, when he didn't intend to be with me in the end. I thought I was the one thinking too much, but my friends said that what he did was wrong.
I hate indecisive guys. Selfish guys. Irresponsible guys. Don't keep the girl with you if you don't intend to be with her in the first place. Don't give her false hopes and let her wait for you when you don't even know what you want. Now it's kinda obvious that he didn't really cared about my feelings in the first place, so why should I care for him so much? It's just wasted attention... On the wrong person.
The one who left is back as a good friend. I'm kind of surprised by the way he stood by me, as in like, consoling me and telling me about the possibilities. Like, really as a friend. I'm thankful to I have him there. Things may not have worked out between the both of us, but at least we can remain as good friends now. Somehow I think he made a great difference. Cos if he didn't say the things he did, I may not have recovered so quickly now. Ke Ai hurt me but what Bryan told me made me get over it more. Not that I'm totally ok now, but I know I will get over it soon. He's just not worth it.
